Hi there! I’m here to talk about a really exciting queer YA debut that was recently released! **And every day we are reminded that discrimination against marginalized communities is still a serious problem, so click here to find a compilation of resources where you can donate your time, money, or whatever you can to support these communities. I still encourage you to research these causes on your own to educate yourself and find the best way to lend your support.**
I’m not sure how / when I came across coverage for the debut YA contemporary Always the Almost, but almost immediately I had it on my want to read shelf. I think Wednesday books was offering some titles as “Read Now,” so that’s how it ended up on my NetGalley shelf, but nevertheless I’m so happy I got the chance to read it. You’ll see on the cover Phil Stamper, author of several books (including one I’ve reviewed here on my blog), calls the book “a virtuosic masterpiece,” and I’d have to agree that the individual elements coming together to form one cohesive does indeed make this story a sight to behold. I can’t wait for more people to read it, but first let me share my thoughts.
When the clock strikes midnight on New Year’s Eve, sixteen-year-old trans boy Miles Jacobson vows to fulfill two resolutions: 1.) win back his ex-boyfriend, Shane McIntyre who broke up with him soon after he came out, and 2.) finally beat his piano-playing arch-nemesis, Cameron Hart, at the Midwest’s biggest classical competition, where he’s always come in second place. There may be some problems with his plan, considering Shane is avoiding him at all costs, and Miles’ slightly intimidating piano instructor tells him he’s playing like he doesn’t really know who he is. When a new boy starts at school, Eric Mendez, a queer cartoonist who asks Miles’ pronouns, wears rainbow socks, and makes his stomach flutter, his first resolution might have to be adjusted. As sparks fly, Miles starts to question why Eric likes him so much – after all, he’s always been only almost good enough. But as things progress and the competition inches closer, Miles wonders why when he’s with Eric, the only person he’s ever really not been enough for is himself.
*At the beginning the author does note that while this is a book that focuses on joy, there are moments of heaviness, so a full list of content warnings can be found on his website, here*
I think having this book strictly through Miles’ point of view was the way to go. He is such an interesting an dynamic character, even if he himself can’t understand why someone would like him as more than a friend. From the start, Miles is very newly out as transgender, and fresh off a breakup from his boyfriend, Shane. So when January rolls around, and resolutions are made, he vows to win back Shane by showing him he’s still ultimately the same person, just living as a boy now, and enter in the same classical piano competition he always has but win against his rival, Cameron. Things don’t exactly go to plan when new kid Eric Mendez arrives in town and Miles starts to wonder exactly why he feels some type of way around him, and why he never felt this way with Shane. I really loved how Miles’ piano instructor, Stefania, seemed to have a rough exterior, but knew from the moment Miles started playing that he was lost and needed to really figure out what he wanted from the music, and let him discover that on his own. She is tough and relentless, but understands how competitions can view people who don’t adhere to the norm, and wants to makes sure Miles is strong and ready to take on anything. I appreciated how when Miles encounters hate toward him on the forum, other competitors who, in some way, have received this type of unwarranted vitriol report it and make sure that Miles does not need to read anything like that about himself, or at least have to handle it alone. Paige and Rachel also offer an extremely supportive friend group for Miles, and while it is mostly positive there are also moments when they try to speak over Miles, believing they know what is best for him even when he is voicing his needs directly. There can be such a thing as “too supportive” when you start to talk over the person whose voice should be heard the most. I loved Eric as a character as well – while he is firm in his queerness, there are also aspects of his identity that he’s still questioning, and is ok with being unsure about. He uses his art as an expression of his thoughts and feelings, and at the beginning when him and Miles meet in the school auditorium they both sort of mirror each other in their feelings of uncertainty, which presents as Eric being unable to continue with his comic and Miles playing the same chords of his piece. There was also some really great discussion of boundaries during intimacy – nothing further than kissing occurs, on-page or off, but it is clear that Miles can still feel uncomfortable with his body, especially as he wear a binder. There were some conversations that, to Miles, were very awkward to have, but both boys worked to openly communicate what they were comfortable with, which does wonders to help prevent harmful, even if unintentional, actions when things do progress further. And one last thing I wanted to touch on specifically was Miles’ father. It’s clear that there was some tension after Miles came out as trans to his parents. While not being unsupportive, his father is incredibly distant and interacts differently than before. I really appreciated how this was addressed as not being Miles fault, and that he had personal issues to work out off page so that he could best support his son. The scene towards the end where an olive branch was extended really made me smile, as it is clear that he is trying, and may have simply just needed more time to adjust to a change in his life.
When I read YA now, I have to keep in mind that I am not the intended audience of these books – as someone who has been out of college for almost 5 years now, there are certain aspects that I can still relate to in these books, but they’re written specifically for teens in mind as they should be. So I did roll my eyes a bit when there’s drama introduced in the latter half of this book, as there is with most YA. But after having finished the book, and sitting with it for a while, I actually thought the introduction of certain dramatic aspects was incredibly relatable for high schoolers, especially queer teens. Sometimes when figuring out your identity, you’re prone to do some experimenting even when you know you shouldn’t. And while sometimes it gives you the answers you’re looking for, those actions can affect other people in a negative way (I’m trying not to delve into spoilers, so I’m keeping this vague). What is important is to sit with those consequences, figure out what really is worth fighting for, and going to fight for it. You also have to acknowledge that just because you’re sorry, doesn’t mean the other person has to accept your apology. It can take a long time to gain back their trust, if they even want to extend that hand at all. And you need to be ok with that. So yeah, looking back, I thought this aspect of being a teenager, making mistakes, and learning to come back from those mistakes was really well done.
The title itself, Always the Almost, really highlights how sometimes, we don’t think of ourselves as good enough to achieve our goals, always falling short, always only achieving the “almost.” We see Miles struggle with the mindset and break down his mental barriers so he can see himself as he truly is – always enough. I thought this book was a really great YA debut, and I can’t wait to see what Edward Underhill has in store for us next. Always the Almost was released on February 14th, 2023, so please pick up a copy if you’re interested! *Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher, Wednesday Books, for the early copy, all thoughts and opinions are my own.*
Where to find Always the Almost:
Bookshop
Amazon
Goodreads
Storygraph
Macmillan
Edward Underhill’s site
Thoughts About Things 