Hi there! I’m here to review another nonfiction that focuses on asexuality! **And every day we are reminded that discrimination against marginalized communities is still a serious problem, so click here to find a compilation of resources where you can donate your time, money, or whatever you can to support these communities. I still encourage you to research these causes on your own to educate yourself and find the best way to lend your support.**
Ace Notes: Tips and Tricks on Existing in an Allo World will be the third nonfiction book I’ve reviewed in the past year focusing on the topic of asexuality. Unlike Ace Voices by Eris Young and Sounds Fake But Okay by Sarah Costello and Kayla Kaszyca, Ace Notes markets itself as more of an advice-driven book with a focus towards individuals who identify somewhere on the asexual spectrum. I always find it interesting comparing the nonfiction books I read to see where each book shines and highlights what readers can gain from reading each book in particular. I’m glad to share my opinions about Ace Notes today.

From the synopsis: “What is the ace lens? Is my relationship queerplatonic? Am I sex-favorable, sex-averse or sex-repulsed? As an ace or questioning person in an oh-so-allo world, you’re probably in desperate need of a cheat sheet. Allow us to introduce your new asexual best friend, an essential resource serving up the life hacks you need to fully embrace the ace. Expect interviews with remarkable aces across the spectrum, advice on navigating different communities , and low-key ways to flaunt your ace identity. Covering everything from coming out, explaining asexuality and understanding different types of attraction, to marriage, relationships, sex, consent, gatekeeping, religion, ace culture and more, this is the ultimate arsenal for whatever the allo world throws at you.” Throughout the seven individual parts of the book, author Michele Kirichanskaya covers everything from offering definitions of common terms to resources and organizations to find more information to interviews with key players in the movement to understand what it means to be asexual. It truly does, as the subtitle suggests, offer tips to asexuals on how to exist in a society that normally caters to a more sexual being – from ways to identify other aces in public or in LGBTQ+ spaces to how to deal with instances of aphobia from strangers and/or family members to recommendations for asexual representations in different types of media. I think Michele does a great job of finding the balance between offering an informative lens about asexuality as a topic to be discussed and delving into the more personal aspects of this sexuality, and what it means for her to be an ace individual, that other readers can relate to. There were a few highlights in particular that I wanted to cover in my review. The first was the discussion surrounding fanfiction. I loved the conversation around fanfiction being an outlet for people to explore their fantasies, sexual or otherwise, in a relatively safe space. For aces in particular, it gives some the ability to find their comfort level of exposure to sexual media, because not all aces are sex-repulsed (and even those who are aren’t necessarily turned-off by sex in media, just the act itself in reality). Fanfiction is often looked down-upon in many aspects of society, but honestly it can be such an incredible space to explore. Second, and this may be minor, but I loved the inclusion at the beginning of small ways to show ace pride. A lot of people still struggle with embracing their sexuality, myself included, so seeing small ways of highlighting an important part of myself, sometimes for just me to see, was really cool. Lastly, I loved Michele’s discussion around how her asexuality intersects with her religion, Judaism. As someone who’s grown up Catholic their entire life, and still questions where my feelings towards religion land to this day, it was incredibly powerful and informative to read Michele discuss where being a practicing Jew can sometimes be at odd with her sexuality, but in other instances give her the ability to see the more queer-affirming aspects of the religion and offer a further sense of belonging.
While I did have an overall positive experience with this read, I just want to mention some things that felt a bit off so others can go into reading with the right expectations. First, I felt that the structure of the book seemed to be a bit all over the place. Sure section one starts with the basics, but sometimes there were sections much later that were still defining simple terms that could have been done earlier so as to not lead to any confusion. And this leads into the fact that while I loved the interviews included – I sometimes find that simple quotes can exclude context, and the full interviews really gave the chance to understand the individual and their answers – they felt misplaced in certain sections. Personally, it maybe would have made more sense to include an interview at the end of every section, and to also include the paragraph description of who was being interviewed at the beginning instead of after it had concluded. I didn’t take this negatively, as the writing style mirrors a lot of my own in these reviews, but the author uses a lot of parentheses throughout the book (to add context to the sentence or make an aside), which could become tedious after a while for some readers. And lastly, at times it felt like some sections were solidly built, and you could tell the author was incredibly passionate about the topic(s) being discussed, others felt lacking and referential. Though I do think that Michele did a good job at referring to other resources in places where she would not have been able to offer enough information or personal anecdotes to explore the topic at hand.
In conclusion, I found this to be a very insightful book perfect for individuals beginning their journey to understand asexuality and what it means to them. I am very interested to see the thoughts of ace readers and non-aces alike when the book is finally out in the world. Ace Notes is set to be released on March 21st, 2023, which is the day this post goes live, so please join me in wishing it a happy book birthday and consider picking up a copy if you’re interested. *Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher, Jessica Kingsley Publishers, for the early copy, all thoughts and opinions are my own.*
Where to find Ace Notes:
Bookshop
Amazon
Goodreads
Storygraph
Jessica Kingsley Publishers
Michele Kirichanskaya’s site








